we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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