I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
