I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
