My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This baby is an asshole
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
