matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
