He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
