Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw

(281): View more from Texas

I love Texas.

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(805): View more from California

do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?

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(703): View more from Virginia

I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

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(559): View more from California

You ate ashes out of my bong

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(317): View more from Indiana

Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it

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