Your mouth is God's brothel.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
