i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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