did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
