New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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