when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
