So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
