I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
