he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
