i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
