is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
