yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
