One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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