Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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