Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
