So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
