my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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