my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
