unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
