Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
