bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
