Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
