i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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