I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize