Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
