are you so shy because you have an std?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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