you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
