the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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