We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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