eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
