Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
