Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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