im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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