Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
