It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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