I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am one with the molecules
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
