OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
