i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
