He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
