4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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