Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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