im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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