he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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