Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
