i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
