franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
