the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
