It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
