Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
