So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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