I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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