I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
