I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize