I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
