dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize