if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
