HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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