Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize