i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
