i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do herpes really smell.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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